Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
