I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
