you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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