I molested 6 butterflies tonight
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
