so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
not ubering you a puppy
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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