This is not my ceiling
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
