I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
