I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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