I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
