Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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