so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
