I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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