she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
