i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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