i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
