Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
