I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
