I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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