Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
