Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
