47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize