i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
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I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
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When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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