I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
