College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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