is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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