He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
