Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
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Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
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Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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