She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
