I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
