Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
