Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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