well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
