Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
