i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
