so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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