You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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