Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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