Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
