I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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