i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
