Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
