hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It's official drugs can't kill me
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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