Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
