I wish I only lived at night.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
