I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
