And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
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