I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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