I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
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Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
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Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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