come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
