oh god the rape fog is back!
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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