he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
