Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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