Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
