if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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