You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
