Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
