We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just want nice things and good sex
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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