did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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