I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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