I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
