My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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