You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
