why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I touched a dick in church today
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
