I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
