i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
