I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
