Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
