You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
