There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
