i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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