But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
