I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
