I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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