Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
