??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
