I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
